Alone on Thanksgiving, and Not Pretending It's Fine

The Holiday Issue · His side here. Her side: Alone on Thanksgiving at Typical Female.Pick a side ↓

Nobody tells you the worst part of a solo Thanksgiving is Wednesday. That's the day everyone asks, "What are you doing for the holiday?" and you find out how good you are at lying.

Two years ago I spent Thanksgiving alone. Divorce, a move, a family two thousand miles away, a job that only gave me the one day. I told my brother I was going to a friend's. I told my friend I was flying home. I ate a frozen dinner and watched football with the sound off.

The hardest part wasn't the empty table. It was pretending to everyone that I had somewhere to be.

More of us than it seems

Lying about Thanksgiving plans is a small lie that gets heavier every year.

It can feel like the whole country is at a table but you. YouGov found 86% of Americans planned to celebrate in 2025, so the other 14% is a real number of people. And plenty of the ones at a table are missing someone. In the American Psychological Association's 2023 poll, 38% of adults said missing family or loved ones is a source of holiday stress.

The APA poll found something else that hit me. Among adults who feel stressed during the holidays, 21% said they cope by isolating themselves. And while 70% said they'd be comfortable talking to someone about it, only 41% actually do. That was me. I was comfortable. I just didn't.

Alone isn't always bad: the case for a quiet day

I want to be clear about something the holiday ads never will be. Some men are alone on Thanksgiving because they want to be, and that's fine. A day with no travel, no performance and no uncle can be a real rest. If that's you, enjoy it without apology.

The problem isn't solitude. It's solitude you're hiding, or solitude that's starting to feel like a verdict. The test is simple: on Friday morning, do you feel rested, or do you feel erased?

A plan for the day

Make it a day, not a blank. Decide the night before what you'll do in the morning, midday and evening. A long walk or a run. A real meal you cook for yourself, even something simple. A movie you've meant to see. Get outside of your four walls at least once. A diner, a park, a gym. Volunteer, if that's your thing. Plenty of people find the day easier doing something for someone else. Call one person. Not to explain, just to talk. "Happy Thanksgiving, what are you eating?" is a full conversation.

The day, hour by hour

Wednesday night: shop for one real meal, not a frozen one. Lay out clothes for a morning walk.

Thursday, 9 a.m.: get out the door. A run, a hike, a long walk through a neighborhood you don't know.

Noon: text three people "Happy Thanksgiving." No explanations. Some will text back. One might call.

2 p.m.: cook. A steak and potatoes counts. Eat it at a table, not on the couch.

4 p.m.: go somewhere with other people around: a movie theater, a diner, a volunteer shift.

Evening: the game, with the sound on this time. Bed at a normal hour. Friday is a regular day, and you'll have made it.

Reaching out without feeling pathetic

If you have a friend hosting, you can say: "I'm around Thursday if you have room." That's not begging. Most hosts are thrilled to add a chair. And if someone reaches out to you, say yes before you have time to talk yourself out of it.

If you know a guy who's alone this year

He probably won't tell you. He'll say he's busy, or flying home, or "just taking it easy." Invite him anyway, and be specific: a time, an address, "bring nothing, we've got too much food." If he says no, text him Thursday afternoon. That text might be the only one he gets.

If it gets dark

Being alone and being lonely aren't the same, and lonely isn't the same as being in danger. But for some of us the holidays tip into something heavier. If that's where you are, you don't have to grit your teeth through it.

If the holidays are bringing up thoughts of suicide or self-harm, you don't have to wait for it to pass. In the U.S., call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. See our full list of crisis resources.

Typical Male also keeps a list of crisis resources.

Her side, for women spending the day alone, is at Typical Female: Alone on Thanksgiving.

Your turn

Is spending Thanksgiving alone sometimes exactly right, or something nobody should do? Pick a side below. If you're spending it alone this year, you can tell us about it, anonymously.

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Spending Thanksgiving alone is:

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Sometimes exactly what I need. Hard. Nobody should be alone that day.

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Her side · Typical FemaleAlone on ThanksgivingRead her take ↗

1. Take the quiz: How typical is your Thanksgiving?
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More from the Holiday Issue

• HalloweenI Said Yes to the Couples Costume
• HalloweenNobody Asks What My Costume Says About Me
• HalloweenHalloween Party Ideas for Adults Who Hate Halloween Parties

Sources

• American Psychological Association, holiday season stress poll, Nov 2023 (n=2,061). 38% of adults said missing family or loved ones causes them holiday stress; among adults who feel holiday stress, 21% isolate themselves and 70% say they're comfortable talking about their stress, but only 41% do.
• YouGov, "Thanksgiving 2025: what Americans will cook, eat and debate at the table this year" (n=1,120). 86% of Americans planned to celebrate Thanksgiving in 2025.