TYPICAL 
The Holiday Issue · His side here. Her side: Friendsgiving ideas for the family you chose at Typical Female.Pick a side ↓
Every man should host one Thanksgiving before he's allowed to say "let me know if you need anything" again. I'm serious. It should be a license.
Last November I volunteered to host Friendsgiving. Eight people, my apartment, my first turkey. I told everyone it would be easy. By noon on the day, I had a list taped to the cabinet, a bird that wouldn't fit in the pan and a sudden, total respect for my mother.
She hosted Thanksgiving for thirty years. I always helped, by which I mean I carried the turkey to the table and accepted the applause.
The turkey was the easy part. The hard part was remembering everything at once.
Friendsgiving is a real holiday now
It's not just a college thing. In Savings.com’s Thanksgiving trends study, 14% of Americans said they planned to do Friendsgiving in addition to Thanksgiving, and 4% said they'd do it instead. For a lot of men I know, it's the first time they've ever been the host. It's a good education.
It's also where people go when the main event is complicated. Savings.com says Friendsgiving is especially popular among Gen Z and younger millennials, and in the same study 31% named family dynamics as one of the most stressful parts of Thanksgiving. For a lot of my friends, it isn't the warm-up. It's the main event.
Friendsgiving vs. family: the honest debate
The case for Friendsgiving: you choose the guest list, nobody asks when you're getting married, and the politics are mostly settled before anyone sits down. The case for family: friends are chosen, which means they can un-choose you. Family is the table that's there whether you earned it or not, and some of the people at it won't be there forever. A friend group can scatter in five years.
My answer is the boring one. If you can, do both. If you can only do one, ask which you'll regret skipping in ten years.
The plan that saved me
Assign, don't ask. "Bring whatever" gets you four bags of chips. Make a list of dishes and assign each person one. Cook one thing well. Host makes the turkey (or a roast chicken, nobody will mind), everyone else covers sides and dessert. Borrow chairs and an extra pan days early. Set the table the night before. Ask everyone to bring a container for leftovers.
A host's timeline, from someone who learned it the hard way
Two weeks out: pick the date (the weekend before Thanksgiving works for people who travel), send the dish list for people to claim and ask about dietary needs.
One week out: borrow chairs and a roasting pan. Confirm who's bringing ice. Somebody always forgets the ice.
Two days out: shop, clear the fridge and start thawing the bird if it's frozen. In the fridge, that takes days, not hours.
The night before: set the table, make one side and write the oven schedule on paper.
The day: turkey in early, sides in as guests arrive, and sit down when the food does.
Three Friendsgiving ideas that work
A grateful round: before eating, everyone names one thing from the year. Keep it optional and short. A recipe from home: everyone brings a dish from their family's table and tells you where it's from. The cleanup draft: two people per round of dishes, drawn from a hat. Nobody gets the couch.
What I actually learned
The turkey was the easy part. The hard part was remembering everything at once: oven timing, a vegetarian guest, the guy who was going to be late, the ice. My mother did that, every year, while also making it look like nothing. And I'd said "let me know if you need anything" from the living room.
I called her the next morning and told her. She laughed for a long time. Then she said, "Now you know."
What I'd tell the next guy
Assign the dishes yourself. Take the turkey or don't, but own whatever you take. And when it's over, call whoever hosted your childhood Thanksgivings and tell them you get it now. It costs nothing, and you'll rarely say anything that lands better.
Her side of the holiday table, and what women want men to learn from hosting, is at Typical Female: Friendsgiving ideas for the family you chose.
Frequently asked questions
What are some good Friendsgiving ideas?
Assign dishes instead of saying "bring whatever," ask everyone to bring a dish from their family's table, do a short optional gratitude round and draw cleanup pairs from a hat so the host isn't last at the sink.
How many people celebrate Friendsgiving?
In Savings.com’s Thanksgiving study, 14% of Americans planned a Friendsgiving in addition to family Thanksgiving and 4% planned one instead.
What should the host make for Friendsgiving?
Usually the main: a turkey, or a roast chicken if the group is small. Assign sides, bread, desserts, drinks and ice to guests, and make sure someone owns cleanup.
When should you have Friendsgiving?
The weekend before Thanksgiving works well because it doesn't compete with travel or family plans. Send the date at least two weeks ahead.
Your turn
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More from the Holiday Issue
Sources
- Savings.com, Thanksgiving trends study (n=2,502). 14% of Americans planned a Friendsgiving in addition to Thanksgiving and 4% instead of it; hosting (36%) and cooking (38%) were top stressors.