The Drama Machine

[Screenshot format — texts between Marcus and his friend Devon]

Devon: bro did you see what happened today

Marcus: the thing with Jayda and them?

Devon: yeah bro she posted on her story that nobody in our grade is "real" and now everyone thinks its about us

Marcus: how is it about us

Devon: idk but Mia texted Ashley who told Tyler who told me that Jayda is mad because you didn't say hi to her in the hall

Marcus: I DIDNT SEE HER

Devon: bro I know. but now its a whole thing

Okay so that's my life. I'm 13 and I'm supposed to understand a communication chain that has more links than a blockchain, and it's all because I didn't say hi to someone I didn't see in a hallway I walk through for literally 45 seconds between periods.

This is what I mean when I say girls my age turn small stuff into big stuff. And before anyone comes at me—I'm not saying boys don't cause drama. We do. But our drama is simple. Two guys are mad at each other? They either stop talking for a day and then it's over, or they argue and then it's over. Resolution time: 24 hours max.

Girl drama at my school has a half-life of like three weeks. It splits into sub-dramas. It goes underground and surfaces in group chats I'm not even in. Somebody will be mad at me for something that was decided in a conversation I was never part of. I'm getting sentenced in a courtroom I didn't know existed.

“I'm getting sentenced in a courtroom I didn't know existed.” Click to tweet →

But here's the thing I've been thinking about—and my mom says when I "think about things" it means I'm growing up, which I don't love but whatever.

Maybe the reason girl drama seems bigger is because girls actually PROCESS stuff. Like, Jayda wasn't really mad about me not saying hi. She was probably feeling ignored or left out or whatever, and instead of just swallowing it like guys do, she put it out there. Yeah, she put it out there in the most chaotic way possible through a vague Instagram story that detonated across four friend groups. But at least she externalized it.

When I feel ignored? I just... don't say anything. I play it off. Last month my best friend Alex started hanging out with the soccer guys and basically stopped texting me back. Did I tell him it bothered me? No. Did I post about it? No. Did I just pretend I didn't care while being annoyed for two weeks? Yeah.

My mom asked if something was wrong. I said no. She asked again. I said "I'm FINE, Mom." She gave me that look.

I wasn't fine. I was mad that my friend ditched me and I had no idea how to say that out loud because thirteen-year-old boys don't say "you hurt my feelings" to other thirteen-year-old boys. We just don't. The rules don't allow it.

So maybe girls have the drama machine cranked up too high, but at least they have a machine. Boys have a box labeled "I'm fine" and we just keep shoving stuff in it.

“So maybe girls have the drama machine cranked up too high, but at least they have a machine. Boys have a box labeled "I'm fine" and we just keep shoving stuff in it.” Click to tweet →

Alex and I are cool now by the way. He texted me about a new game and I texted back and we played online for three hours and the friendship was just... fixed? Without ever naming the problem?

I don't know if that's healthy or not. My mom would say it's not. Devon would say it's efficient.

I think it's both. And I think being thirteen means living in the "both" zone a lot and hoping somebody eventually hands you a map.

Nobody's handed me the map yet. But I'm still walking.

And I'm going to say hi to Jayda in the hall tomorrow. Not because the drama machine scared me. Just because it's the nice thing to do and I should've done it anyway.

Don't tell her I said that.