A Gamer Girl's Field Guide to the Typical Male Lobby

I've been gaming since I was nine. Five years of ranked matches, raid clears, and lobby drama. In that time I've developed a taxonomy of the Typical Male Gamer. Field notes below.

Species 1: The Gatekeeper

Habitat: Any voice chat, the moment he hears a female voice.

Behavior: Immediately quizzes you. "Name every weapon in the Season 3 battle pass." "What's the TTK on the base AR?" He doesn't actually care about the answers. He cares about proving you don't belong.

What he won't admit: He went 2-and-11 last match.

Species 2: The Protector (Unsolicited)

Habitat: Co-op missions, usually standing directly in your line of fire.

Behavior: "Don't worry, I got you." You didn't ask. You have the highest damage output on the squad. He will body-block you, steal your kills, and then say "we make a great team" in the post-match screen.

What he won't admit: He needs you to carry him.

Species 3: The Rage Quitter

Habitat: Any ranked match, usually after Round 2.

Behavior: Dies once. Blames lag. Dies again. Blames teammates. Dies a third time. Leaves. His departure notification pops up right as you clutch a 1v3.

What he won't admit: He can't handle losing, period, but especially to someone with a flower in her gamertag.

Species 4: The Quiet One

Habitat: Everywhere, but you wouldn't know it.

Behavior: Doesn't talk. Pings objectives. Shares loot. Revives you without making it weird. Plays another round without demanding your socials.

What he won't admit: Nothing. He's fine. We need more of him.

Here's the thing people don't get about girl gamers and guy gamers: we're playing the same game, but we're not having the same experience. When I log on, I'm making a calculation before I even plug in my headset. Do I use voice chat and deal with the comments? Or do I stay quiet and lose the tactical advantage?

“When I log on, I'm making a calculation before I even plug in my headset. Do I use voice chat and deal with the comments? Or do I stay quiet and lose the tactical advantage?” Click to tweet →

Boys don't make that calculation. They just play.

I'm not saying every guy in every lobby is a problem. Species 4 proves that. But when my little cousin asked me if she should start gaming, my first thought wasn't "yes, it's so fun." It was "let me teach you how to mute people first."

That shouldn't be the tutorial.

“My first thought wasn't "yes, it's so fun." It was "let me teach you how to mute people first." That shouldn't be the tutorial.” Click to tweet →